is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
