i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
