If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize