sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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