FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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