So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
false alarm, still single
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
