Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
