If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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