1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
