His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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