My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
