I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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