Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
