Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
