So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
