New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
