shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it's like iHOP with fire
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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