you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
