I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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