Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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