HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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