you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
