So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
