Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
