I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
