i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
