I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
