Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
