i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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