Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
