Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
