Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
