The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
