He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
