remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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