we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's never too late to be topless.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
