I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
