I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
