discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
