I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize