Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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