Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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