i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
