sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
