I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
