End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
