I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
