Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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