my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
