Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
