On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
