Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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