oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
