All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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