In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
