she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
